distressed life

life is getting worse and worse...what should i do? the person that i like claims that she hates her gf but apparently she is still with her..so wtf is wrong with her..and she keeps giving me the fucking signs that she likes me and all! so its like...life freaking sucks right about now...the person i like seems to be an even further away dream than it was just a year ago..now its getting even worse...maybe i should just forget about her...easier said than done though! i see her every single fucking day... -akira

life...

heys guys...having some major identity problems..

see...i have this crush on this person...and its like been for 2 years already...and its like...i can never tell her...cause...as you know...im bi...for those who didnt know..i like both guys and girls...so this person is like a tomboy...she is lilke a year older than me...and she is like a good friend..and its like..if we are together..its weird..and she is bi..she has a girlfriend..and its like really difficult...they are like really..close...but she hates her girlfriend..and its difficult cause im afraid she doesnt like me...

ohkays..gotta end here..people are rushing me...sian...see you in next blog...bye..

its so lonely..

hey all...ah~ holidays have started..and its been really boring...its not that i dont have any frens to hang out with...its just that sometimes..on certain days that i really want to leave my house and be with my frens...sometimes..my family just doesnt allow me to...they keep saying that its that i dont spend enough time with them..and its not like i dont...i always hang out with them at night at dinner..like normal teens...but sometimes...they just dont get it...im really lonely and nobody can ever help me to get rid of the pain! i just hate to feel lonely..]

sometimes...on saturdays...we have those types of family gatherings..in which all of us can meet up...cousins..uncles...aunts...grandparents...ya..its one hell of a rowdy party...but somehow...nobody seems to care about me...no one talks to me...well...only one or two lines..and they dont talk to me at all..maybe its cause i am not socialable..? maybe its beacause i am too young..? or maybe its cause i just dont fit in...

its really lonely..like today..i can hear them all outside...while i am in here...alone..and listening to them sound so happy...

the probably dont know i exist...and its too much that it makes me feel like crying...

part 2!!

ok..hm..where was i..? ah yes...i ran home...then at night...li jie started calling me and texting me...like i recieved 52 messages and 13 calls...i just switched off my phone that night...if not i will never get to sleep..and i was like damn worried la.. dunno about wat also..

the next morning when i turned my phone back on...i recieved another few dozens of calls and about almost a hundred sms..(i know...she is way to extreme...><)...then i just ignored it...then i realized today was training day..no wonder i woke up so early...i thought to myself..only god knows how many more i would have if i didnt...

then i went to my exol netball club training...i arrived like 10 mins before the time...then my frens were like still creepily smiling at me and asked if the date went well...i told them what had happened...and that i was ignoring her text and all...then they were not surprised...but were shaking their head...dissapointed...and looked at me as if i was an idiot...they were like..."u know that u wont be able to ignore her for long you know...?" then i asked why...then they pointed behind me and said..."cause her comes prince charming himself..." there she was...she was panting and sweating when she came running to our training area...she was just a minute early...hair a little messed up too...><...then i was like.."oh shit! there she is! but she looks damn hot! wait! no! she tried to harrass me! but she is damn hot..." i was mentally arguinh with myself...then someone interuppted my thoughts..."shermaine..? is that you...?" i whipped around and saw li jie standing over me...i was like...oh mi gawd...she looks hot! but no!! i tried to walk away...but she pulled me by the wrist and was like..." wait..dun go...let me explain..i-" before she got to say anything..our coach was like calling us to get ready to warm up...so i managed to escape...and thank god she was in senior team..so that meant that i wouldnt really be training with her...but then...the whole training i never forgot li jie...cause my annoying frens were patronizing me about her....

after training...i tried to run away from her..but i was caught by her..she pulled me...to somewhere secluded and then...she pinned me to the wall again and i started protesting...again...then she was like.."wait..dun fight me...just hear me out..?" i was like..."fine...three minutes..." then she started explanation..."look...breakdown is...i really like u and i think u are way cute...and remember our first date...if u can call it that...we had fun didnt we,,and i liked u a lot more...so willl u go out with me...? and i am really sorry i scared you...forgive me..?" i just stared at her...i told her to let me go...which she did...and i told her that..." i'll call u later...so u better pick up..i need time to think..." with that i left her hanging..(i damn cool rite...? ah~ but my heart was like beating inside...><) then i went home...

after i got home..i started a confrence call will all my frens that knew...i was like..."wat should i do...? li jie just confessed to me!!!" one of them was like..."serious?! kor li jie confessed to u..? THE Kor Li Jie confessed to you?!" i was like" ya so..?" the other was like.."no shit man! li jie is confessed to...not the confesser!" i was like.."serious..?" they were like.."ya guh! thats wat makes her the most popular and hottest play girl in our netball team! to confess to you?? she is damn serious..." then i was like..."so...? i dun even know if i like her..." my frens were like..."WTH shermaine!! she is damn hot...do you not agree..?" i agreed...next question..."u had fun with her yesterday...yes..?" i agreed...u feel nervous when u thin about her...? was the next question...i was like.."kinda..." then my frens were like..."u are so in love with her....u think she is hot...u had fun with her and think that u have known her your whole life..and u feel nervous..as in..shy as in...u matter about what she thinks about you...and wats more...u think about her most of your time yes..?"..i was like..."thats true...but-" "no buts!!! u like her! she liked you! there is chemistry girl! trust me!"...my other fren who was listening said..."u know wat..? i'm with my gf and my gf just got an interesting text..." we were like..."wat..?"..she said" its from li jie...it says..'eh!!! dong yu! what should i do?! the girl that i love doesnt love me back!! how?!' i think she really liked you...and i dun think it is a simple like anymore...i think its love...cause she just called and i can here her whining about u...sigh...just date her...i know u like her...so stop denying it!" i tries to disagree but then they were like...just do wat u want...then they hung up on me...(i know...sad rite..? T.T)...

later that night...after hours of thinking...i came to realize that i actually like her cause its cause i keep thinking about how much fun we had that day and how much she cred for me...then i was like...i think i really do love her...i called her at around 9+ when my feelings for here were sorted out..after the secind ring...she picked up..the conversation would be like the previous one...

"hello?!"
'hi..um..its me...'
her voiced softened.."oh..hey.."
'um..li jie rite..?'
"ya.."
'um...i..i...'
"yes...?"
'i really like u...uh..so bye!'

then i hung up...i said it really fast...but i didnt know if she heard it...but all doubt was cleared when she texted me.."thats great...i love you too...i care about u so much..."...i was damn embarrassed la...then i replied.."um..yeah..sorry bout pushing you away that time..."..and instant reply came back..."its okay...i love you..."...then another text came almost right after that.."half the night...i waste in sighs..a wakeful dose i sorrow..for the..the lips..for the meeting of tomorrow..."...i blushed like damn red and then replied..."thats just cheesy..."..she texted back..."lol..meet me at my wirkplace tmr at 4..? we can finish our first date and officially start our pure relationship..?" i repleid.."okay.."..she said..."great..sleep well..see you tomorrow babe..."..i wanted to reply...but didnt know wat to see...and i was definitely looking for ward to tomorrow and my relationship with li jie...

so ya...thats basically it...i know it sounds unreal..but wth...everything in a relationship is...and some of her lines are just really cheesy!! ><..well we are still going strong that wat i know!!

senpai~ enjoy...if u wanna know anything else...dun hesitate to ask...;))...

love...ur darling kouhai~

to my dear senpai who wants to know about my lovelife~

hello!!! its been like a few months since i blogged...exams and netball trainings are killing me...><...well...since my dear senpai wants to know so much about my love life...i shall let her know through this post!!! so senpai...this is for u!!

i meet my gf....Li Jie at this place...it was like at starbucks there...she was working there during the holidays...cause me and my frens went to the starbucks...at orchard road there..then i just ordere a caramel coffee...the cashier was of course...Li Jie's supervisor...also a bung...then when i was waiting for my coffee to come...the waitress came with my favourite caramel coffee...then after that rite...she placed the coffee down and then she handed me a napkim...underneath a number...she said that this number was from one of the employees there...i asked her...who was it from..then she was like...the one who made ur coffee for u...then i just stared at her...then she asked are u attached...? then i was like...no...then she smiled and said...great...then she walked away...then my frens that knew i was bi were like..."OMG! Shermaine! u have got urself a date!!" then i was like.."shuddap la...i dun even know who this person is!" then they were like..."we wanna know!! eh! lets go and ask her!!" then before i could say anything..they went to the counter to ask the person who gave me the number who the person was...(the person who gave the number was the supervisor...btw...)...then the supervisor pointed to one of the workers and then whispered something to my frens...then i was like...wth...then they came back..giggling...then i asked.." so who was it..?" then there were like...we dun know...just call the number...then i was like..."damn u guys.."

ok then later that night...i actually was like damn curious about that person..i didnt even know the gender...so i called the number...then someone picked up...the voiced was deep...so at firest i thought it was male...then i heard it again..it was a bit feminine..then i got even for curious...ok...for the convo on the phone...im going to us this methofd..."blah blah" is for li jie...'blah blah' is for me..ok..?

conversation on the phone..

"hello..?"
'hi..um did someone pass me their number...?
"oh..its you! the cute girl!"
'...'
"hi..my name is li jie..."
'um..i'm shermaine...why did u give me your number..?
"cause you were cute and i wanted to know you better..." (so staright-forward right?? but she is so cool!!)
'umm..thanks..?'
"ah~u are so cute! hey are u free tmr...? wanna go out together after i get off work..?"
'um..sure..?'
"awesome! i'll meet u at my workplace at 4!"
'...'

then she hangs up...i know...she didnt even say bye! so mean!! LOL!!
the next day...i went to starbucks again...i waited...until it was like...4.10..she finally came..i thought she was a guy...the i just stared at her...then i was like.."so u are a guy..?" then she started laughing..."hell no! i am a woman and i am proud of it..." she said...then i just stared at her...how can a woman be so damn hot?! i thought to myself...then she started dragging me around everywhere...and we stopped at zara...then she was like...making a move...she pushed ,e against the wall and pinned my wrist to the wall..she said.."i really like you...go out with me..?" then she tried to kiss me...i was like.."no! i am not ready for this"...i thought..i pushed her away with all my strength...with only gods knows where i got and then shouted at her..."no! wait! stop!! i am not ready for this! i just met u and...and.." i didnt know wat to say...when i noticed all the bystanders there...i ran from the store and ran all the way home...taking the mrt of course...

end of part 1...watch put..part 2 is cumin in a bit!!

wth...life is damn suckish...

the hell...i m like onow at the airport...waiting to board the plane to hong kong....but seriously...i am using the computer across some pair of siblings and the boy, who is younger is like really whiny and very spoilt...just cause everyone and his sister is using a computer...and he isnt...so it kinds of pisses me off...which got me thinking...why are people so demanding...? why cant we just learn to enjoy what we have...well i have to sign off cause i have a time limit for using the computer..so i kinda really hate to..but i have to go...besides...i will be back soon to write...i hope...so bye bye...see u....

P.S. i love you all....pls leave a comment! and answer my question if you can...!! :))

LONG TYM NO BLOG!!!

hello everyone....it has been like 4-5 moths since i blogged and i feel so weird.....oh gods...i just finished my exams....stress man ...now i can finally play computer and enjoy my life...whats more....i can even enjoy myself cause i have no school for 2 days....awesome rite??? but i totally miss my friends from my old school....my new school friends are seriously nice but i cant seem to forget about old friends...the good times we shared...the tears, the laughter...the feeling of not being able to re-live it is very sad....i would give anything....anything to be able to re-live at least one day of the past year....even go through at the expense of my life.....seriously i have never ever missed something s much in my life...seriously....i would kill to play games with my friends again.....i would even kill just to get scolded by my own teachers.....i really hope that my class in '09 will remember our memories together and hope that we would have like a class reunion soon....well.....not many things would happen the way you want...though sometimes they dont for a good cost.....besides...the memories we have together is the best...i cant imagine my life without meeting my old friends...its nice to make new friends and dont cling to the past....but hey....if it a good memory...remembering it would be nice.....besides if you were me....there is no way you want to forget what happened last year....with all the people in my class...although...i hate some....i will still help them in thier time of need and shall never ever i mean forever...a life time, forget what we did together....so this is dedicated to all you awesome old school gals out there!! you know who you are...;))